


everything hurts, Tony

by Anonymous



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), I regret this, M/M, Major Character Injury, Panic Attacks, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Tony Stark, Seperation Anxiety, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Has Panic Attacks, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stony - Freeform, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Torture, Violence, Whump, but hes not, i dont know why i hurt steve so much, i only write bad things so we can have amazing endings, im sorry, medicated steve rogers, natasha mentioned, sam wilson should be here, scared steve rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-05-20 12:56:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: In his years of the military he saw just about every form of torture. He saw beatings, scalpings, burnings, starving, body modifications, drownings, for the most part he had most of it happen to him when he first received the serum from Erskine. At least with him he could tell them when enough was enough, and most of the time they listened, but the war was a terrifying experience and he knew the horrors created to destroy another human being.However. This was something he never saw, nor experienced and thinking back he couldn’t imagine how many people had to-





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> warnings :  
> there are some tough topics in here that some may find disturbing. I usually do not write things like this, but due to major anxiety in my life my outlets have turned to really heavy angst and heartbreak. there is a happy ending, I assure you, however this is how I keep myself sane so read with caution.

At first, he wasn’t aware of the camera stationed far in the corner of the room. He was dragged in by two guards, feet dragging across the floor with little to no strength when it came to lifting his head from it's fallen position. Everything ached, his body was beaten for days without end and when they finally gave him a second to breathe he was forced quickly and efficiently down the hallway. 

“On the table.”  
With a groan of pain he was lifted from the ground, body in the air before his back fell harshly against the cold surface. It took his breath away for what felt like hours before he was belted down against the table with reinforced restraints. 

“Two weeks, Captain. You have been here for fifteen days, yet we have not received a single message from those of your team. How strange.”  
The accent was russian, sinking heavily in his stomach as he let his eyes open to lock on the ceiling. He must of been held somewhere old, that had been around for decades, the structure held together by little to no support. Hydra stuck to their roots apparently, and he hoped if someone did notice he was missing that they would think to start with that map he had created back in 1944. 

“Now, I’m going to give you the chance to die quickly. Not painlessly, but soon. I want information on your team.”  
They weren’t his team anymore. 

“We found you nowhere near any familiar SHIELD points, so you must be working with someone to be so off the map.”

He wouldn’t spill anything. 

“Captain. I won’t ask again.”  
He felt a hand land on his chest, rising a flinch before he caught himself and took a deep, stinging breath. 

 

Throughout the past few weeks he hadn’t been asked for any information, they barely even spoke to him unless it was orders and even then he hadn’t realized he was with Hydra. Yes, he supposes he could have listened deeper into their false accents, but they weren’t even in the familiar uniform nor did he recognize any of the agents. Even now, as he was stripped of his clothing he couldn’t place the face neither the accent of the man apparently in charge. 

“We just want you to know that we gave you a chance to speak. We have been very fair in the sense of not asking you until now, we will take anything, yet you refuse to even respect us with a no. You will learn your lesson here quick.”

 

From the moment he woke to a boot in his side he was able to keep his mouth shut, not giving them the satisfaction of hearing him scream out in pain or suffering. Each cut into his skin, each drop of blood simply furthered his ability to keep himself from putting any of his team in danger. The fact that he was here kept them from getting their disgusting hands on anyone else: Bucky, Natasha, Clint, Tony. His family, no matter how distanced were all he had at this point and if he could keep them from feeling any of this he would live forever and a day. 

However, the scream he let fall was bound to surrender at some point in time. 

In his years of the military he saw just about every form of torture. He saw beatings, scalpings, burnings, starving, body modifications, drownings, for the most part he had most of it happen to him when he first received the serum from Erskine. At least with him he could tell them when enough was enough, and most of the time they listened, but the war was a terrifying experience and he knew the horrors created to destroy another human being. 

However. This was something he never saw, nor experienced and thinking back he couldn’t imagine how many people had to-

His first thought should have went to Bucky. Had his best friend went through this? Had his best friend been torn apart in every crevice, every available- had he had to go through this for seventy years without anyone to save him?

That was when the first tear fell. No screams, no pleads or begs, just the silent tears rolling down his face as he clenched his fists and kept his eyes tightly shut. There were enough drugs in his system to hold him down, but he still felt everything happening to him and he couldn’t keep up this facade much longer. But reality was, he would do this till the day he died before he let anyone touch any member of his family. 

 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before the rush of it stopped. There were multiple substances and textures dipping down his skin and one he knew for sure was blood. The warmth was something he would never be able to get out of his head and he couldn’t stop the trembling of his body. If asked he would say it was from the pressure and agony he was feeling, but he was so terrified. The tears were continuing to flood down his cheeks and he wanted to go back and stop any of the accords from happening if just to avoid being alone in the city ruins that day he was caught. But, at the same time he couldn’t because who else would take his place here? 

It wasn’t in his heart nor soul to rest knowing this was happening to people all around the world and had no one to get them out of it. Even out of Hydras hands he felt sick and it wasn’t until a hand tapped the inside of his thigh that he choked on the bile forcing itself from his throat. Tilting his head he aimed most of it off the table, the taste horrid seeing as he had barely eaten in weeks and it was just stomach acid churning away in the back of his mouth. He heard laughter, fingers scooping his mouth clean and tasting the stickiness on their fingers only forced his stomach into rougher waves. The smell of it forced out a sob and before he knew it the chuckles had erupted louder than his cries. He was so exhausted and the realization of a camera in the corner gave up every fight he had in him. 

He gave up. 

 

It had been another three days. Once a day he would be drugged up, a thick liquid forced down his throat as his body was flushed out with a hose. He could tell when the camera was on and when it was off, and currently the red light wasn’t flashing. Hands were holding his face still and as he choked once again on the meal someone spit on him instead before dropping him back down. His head slammed against the metal and after a few seconds of seeing black he was bolted down as more men walked in. His chest ached in fear, trying to spit out the words, but he couldn’t beg, he couldn’t let whoever was watching know that he was falling apart. 

“You should smile more, Captain,” they only called him Captain as a name, “you are broadcasting all over the world.”

 

“I think you are starting to enjoy this Captain, maybe we should bring in more people to fulfil that need you have.”

 

“If only your team cared enough to save you, Captain. Three days since we let them see what was happening and we haven’t heard a thing on the news.”

 

If anything, he wished his hands weren’t held down against the table. Each sob released continued to flood his vision and he wanted to be able to hide away in some sort of comfort. He missed his cell, the darkness of it, but he hadn’t gotten off this table since first laid down. His throat burned, from many reasons, and it wasn’t until he first spoke that the pain erupted into flames. 

“I’m sorry, Captain? Did you say something?”  
A hand dug into his hair, yanking him backward to look up at the eyes bleeding down on him. 

“N-no one else,” he stuttered. 

“No friends? I didn’t realize you enjoyed it that much! Take her out!”  
The screams finally faded away, the pounding of his head lessening as the woman was taken from the room and denied the need to suffer through what he was. He had no doubt it would happen, but away from the camera and away from him was what he had hoped for. 

“If only your team could witness this- well, in person at least. After that downfall just last year they might even want to take part. They must hate you, Captain.”  
Silence. 

“Do you hate yourself, Captain?”

 

The red light kept flashing, it was a threat as well as an anchor as consciousness kept trying to take him under. He was aware that the countries viewing the live steam had banned the watching of it, numbers of witnesses down by the hundreds of thousands. Countries were brushing it under the rug as if it wasn’t happening, or that what he was told, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind. They still broadcast it, they still did what they did, and coming to terms with the fact that he was living it didn’t really affect how he felt anymore. 

It wasn’t until a week into it that he heard commotion down the hallway. They weren’t doing anything too drastic, the camera was off, and the sting of the sutures weren’t the worst thing in the world. 

“Go check. Prisoners should be in their cells!”  
The anger in the man tugged on the stitch, dragging a groan from his lips as his fingers twitched painfully. Each were broken by this point, just about healed but still aching to the touch. Very swollen. 

Leaving the room, the door stayed open, cracked but enough for him to hear the sound of heaven pouring through. 

“Where's my soldier?”  
The tone brought heavy sobs to his lips, chest beginning to over work itself as the man below his waist froze mid-work. Equipment was put down and as he began wiping his hands with a cloth a bullet flew through the wall. The man screamed in pain, holding his chest as he fell to the ground and the sound of a titanium suit stomped through the halls. The door flew open immediately and as a hand fell on his shoulder he pulled against the restraints. 

He was too close to freedom to get taken back now, he was too close and he began to feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins for the first time in forever. He couldn’t lose his team again, they were here and he needed them and before he could scream the chains were torn apart link by link. 

“Steve!”  
It was heart-stopping.

“Steve! Oh god- punk!”  
The voice was as emotional as he ever heard it and he couldn’t gasp in a breath, almost slow motion as the familiar blue eyes appeared above his. His hands couldn’t move, shock making his face go white as hands slid under his shoulders and lifted him from the surface. He let his back fall against the chest and the sudden movement had him vomiting painfully all over himself. Leaking with sobs he tried so hard to keep himself together, but a hand slipped in his and he ignored the pain as he held the grasp as hard as he physically could. Never would he let go, never. Never. 

“I got you, doll. I’m here- shh, I got you, you’re alright. You’re safe.”  
Turning into the chest he continued to let himself fall apart, shivering against the sheet coming to wrap around his battered form. It wasn’t until being covered for the first time that he realized how much pain he was actually in. 

 

Even carried down the hall his screaming wouldn’t stop, everything hurt and he swore he was dying as he dug his face into the familiar uniform. No matter how much he tried to convince himself, he couldn’t let go. He jumped head first into the pain as long as he was wrapped around his Buck. No one was taking him away. 

Not the god of thunder to their side, not the russian spy, now blonde, in front of them shouting orders, not even the scientist on the jet they were rushing toward as the sun melted out his eyes. No, he wouldn’t be laid on the table, he screamed and fought and absolutely refused to be subdued now that he got out of that room. 

Nothing would get him, nothing would tear him from this hold and no one would-

“Steve?”  
His body froze, ice shooting through his veins as he stilled at the voice. 

“Steve? I really need you to focus here, big guy. It’s- you gotta stop struggling because honestly you aren’t even strong enough to escape Clint right now and it’s killing me, Sweetheart.”  
He forced his gaze around the room, desperately searching for those eyes and when they finally locked he let out a breathless sob. More than anything he wanted to reach across the table, to lock his arms around the safety net, but he was scrambling up from the position on his back and had too many things going on at once. 

“Guys, sit him up- yeah, sit him up.”  
At the order he was pushed up in a chair, calming down enough as something dug into his skin and the pain immediately started fading away. It was so instant he feared this was a dream, eyes widening as far as they could before Tony had his hands in his and let his forehead drop to his shoulder. He watched his own orangish colored tears drip onto the floor and begged for this to be real. 

“Shh, it’s real. I’m here, Sweetheart, it’s alright, I’m right here.”  
The metal suit pulled away, the warmth of Tony continuous as his arms were pulled to wrap around the man’s waist. 

“Hold onto me, there you go. I got you, we’re all here. We got you out, I promise.”

He promised. 

 

He thinks he woke up a bit more clearly, recognizing a hospital room and trying to remember that he wasn’t in that room. Everything around him said Stark Industries on it and it was the only thing that got him to stay weightless in the sheets around him. His trembling was no better than the last time he remembered, he felt like this was all too good to be true, but as he looked to his right and saw the soldier sleeping in a chair he couldn’t help but let out a deep breath of relief. Bucky wouldn’t let anything happen to him. 

Right?

“Buck.”

Nothing, no response. Trying again the man flinched in his sleep, not until the third time that he woke up and reality smacked him clear. 

“Stevie-”  
“Buck, I'm safe here.”  
It was still a question and thankfully the man understood as he got to his feet and wrapped his hands around the blond’s. A kiss dropped on his forehead and before the tears could slide down the unshaven cheeks they were hidden far away. 

“Yeah, you are. I ain’t gonna let anything else happen to you- not while I'm here.”  
“You.. Bucky, Bucky you saw.”  
His lungs tightened around each other as the face fell further, nodding it's sincerity. 

“Yeah, Pal.. yeah, we did.”  
“Hydra?”  
“How’s your pain?”  
One of his hands pulled away, reaching for the IV drip and making sure there was enough making its way into the line. 

“Can you feel anything?”  
He shook his head, still coming down from his panic as the door opened. The name fell from his lips as it did Bucky’s, the billionaire’s face looking just as rough as he expected. Although he didn’t know what to expect other than to die-

“The one time I go to get coffee, yeah, should of expected it.”  
The voice cracked, the emotion in the room almost too much for him to handle as he dug deeper into the mattress under his back.  
“You alright?”  
Bucky seemed concerned, hand sliding onto his cheek just as things began to fade.

 

“He can’t keep himself awake, everytime we think he’s aware he just knocks out.”  
Both of his hands were covered in other skin, held tightly as beeping surrounded him and he let out a breath. 

“We can’t get in his head, one second he’s fine and the next he’s an anxiety ridden mess.”

“Given what he just went through i’d say that's normal, Barnes.”  
The voice was harsh, slicing through the argument as Steve let his eyes fall open. 

“Enough.”  
Natasha was there, standing in front of them with an emotionless face directed forward. Tony’s hand was rising, falling on his chin to direct him to his view. 

“Hey, Sweetheart.”  
“Tony?”  
“Yeah, it’s me. How are you feeling?”  
“Tony..”  
His eyes grew swollen, warmth flooding his gaze as he pulled the hold closer to his chest. He couldn’t find the right words, struggling to spit out any as he fell into the man’s chest and let out a soft whimper. 

“Shh, I got you. You’re alright.”

The hand rubbing his back was heavy, drawing out his exhaustion as he fell limp into the hold. 

“You gonna stay awake for me this time?”

 

He did. They didn’t talk much, or at least Steve didn’t, but he let them explain what was going on. They said they were in the new Avengers facility, upstate New York with the team working to find everyone involved in the past weeks. They wouldn’t say anything about Hydra, about where they found him, and he wanted to push, but he could barely breathe. 

The two times he was able to fall asleep he had terrifying flashbacks, unable to calm down for what felt like hours and food was an absolute no. They fed him in a liquid diet, enough to keep him healthy for now and all he wanted was to not be alone and to have absolute silence. It was something he was craving and now that he had it he didn’t want to let it go. 

There was no skin against skin, gasping over his head, squelching substances, footsteps going to turn off a camera, no Captain, nothing. 

It was the most safe feeling he could ever experience. 

 

“I know, Sweetheart, I know.”  
His sobs were full of anguish, heartache as he shook his head and weakly batted away the hand. Tony was trying to get him in a wheelchair in order to get him across the room and he absolutely refused. The sound of water pouring into the tub terrified him and he didn’t want it. The hand on his cheek tried consoling him, promising him that he was alright, but he wanted to stay in the bed and he needed to be without an inch of availability to an enemy. 

“It’s a scary thing, I know, but i’m right here and i wouldn’t hurt you.”  
Their gazes locked as he was tugged up to look, brown eyes sincere and loving and it almost gave him enough bravery to let himself budge. He remembered seeing those eyes every morning, adoring them and falling deeper into his emotions with them. 

He remembered in Wakanda when he would write the man letters, too afraid to send them out, but dating them and making sure they were signed and stamped. Yes, he was Iron Man, but to Steve he was his hero, the man he wanted to grow old with and there was nothing more important than being by his side. 

Although he was supposed to protect Tony. 

“Love, we really need to get you up.”  
The touch turned into a grip, more tears flowing down his face as he refused further and watched the door behind them open. Before he could identify the visitor he latched to the hand surrounding his cheek, pulling it closer and letting himself feel smaller. Tony only complied, letting out a sigh as his head turned and words sliced through the air. 

“Barnes, I need to get him in the bath before it gets cold.”  
No words were in response, but within seconds feet were around his bed and arms pulled away his sheets. He refused any blankets, the material was too heavy, and no one questioned it. But now, feeling it be pulled away he let out a scream, not caring that the man was his best friend. His whole body shook and his limbs kicked and he didn’t want to move, he wanted to be put down. The hand in his didn’t help and the lips pressing against his temple weren’t worth it and he twisted and curled until his body was sat on a counter. Each article of clothing removed from his skin was like claws, tearing at him and drawing blood against his will. The ache of his movements mattered close to nothing and he shook his head viciously if just to keep the hands away. 

Of course the fighting did nothing, it never did anything and as his lungs burned a bigger hole into his chest he was laid out in a puddle of warmth. It was immediately soothing, rubbing gently against his skin and his screams immediately calmed into silence. He curled in the feeling, laying his head on the surrounding shell and letting himself go still. 

“There we go, feels good doesn’t it.”  
A hand through his hair only pulled him closer, removing one of his hands from the safety net and dragging the other inside. It complied, easily, and as a new set began scrubbing soap into his scalp he sniffled away his fears. 

“There we go, I go you, Sweetheart. You’re gonna be alright.”  
A small moan of comfort came next, tightening around the hand and letting out a breath of relief. 

 

From head to toe he was scrubbed, gently yet thoroughly and he couldn’t help but melt at the feeling. He heard himself being compared to a kitten, to a puppy and normally he felt it would embarrass him, but the tone was so gentle and he couldn’t help but let his eyes stay shut. They were so protecting, so loving and the idea of being taken care of after so long kept him a bit more sane. 

“We gotta get you out soon, Punk. Stevie?”  
“Let him rest a bit more, Barnes. He deserves a nap, he’s exhausted.”  
His hair was ruffled again, soothing until his vision went black. 

 

“Easy, shh, easy, pal.”  
The thin material dragging across his skin was itchy. It wasn’t comfortable and even as his sheets tugged over his waist he didn’t feel warm anymore. He needed more and he whimpered his discomfort almost immediately. 

“I know, you’re tired aren’t you, Stevie?”  
“Here,” a body hovered over his, dropping a thick blanket over him until he laid back still and quieted down. 

“There you go, finally gonna let us warm you up?”

Finding it in him to nod, he did so, letting out a deep sigh as the blankets around him shuffled and a thicker pillow fell under his head. 

 

“Morning, how are you feeling?”  
Every time he was awake he tried to falsify it, keeping his eyes closed in order to sense what was going on around him. The only downfalls were the fact of his senses being so much lower than they usually are and the panic that rose the periodic beeping. Being aware terrified him and he was stressed from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed, and more than not it followed him into his dreams. He doesn't know how long it had been since he was brought here, but more than not he had been constantly at the side of family when he woke up. They just adjusted his medication so he has been waking up without remembrance of what he dreamt about, and his pain has been close to nothing which has been really helpful. 

As the fingers slid through his growing bangs he hummed, reaching for the hand only for his fingers to painfully miss the edge of the blanket. A soft chuckle later and a hand was in his, under the comforter as another kiss dropped on his forehead. It seemed to be routine, a hand in his and a kiss aiming somewhere on his face, but he didn’t seem to mind. 

 

“As soon as we leave here he’s gonna be a mess, Barnes.”  
“Well they got him on so much medication I don’t even recognize him.”  
“I’d rather that than a PTSD ridden supersoldier, yeah?”  
There was a heavy sigh of agreeance, almost regretful and the silence following led to Tony standing from the bed. 

“Where are we going to take him, Tony?”  
“What do you mean?”  
The genius tilted his head, frowning at the words as he stretched his arms up for some quick relief. 

“I can’t.. I wanna be there. But, I know you won’t want me-”  
“Cut it out, Barnes. The team is reinstated, I solved that issue so long ago it’s irrelevant. You and Steve are coming with me to my home, a little way from the facility.”  
“You don’t want him with the Avengers? What if we are found-”  
“It's only a ride away, I have a feeling you are enough. I have the best security in the world basically and if I'm honest Steve needs a bit of vacation time.”  
“And I can.. You trust me?”  
“I know it wasn’t you in that video, Barnes. It doesn’t take a genius to see all the shit they put you through, I trust you. Besides, the Kitty fixed your head so triggers won’t take you under, right?”  
“Yeah.. I guess not.”  
“Good. It’s settled. Now. You are aware of mine and Steve’s-”  
“Relationship? Yeah. You gonna..?”  
“I love him, we were three years and counting, actually, started after the DC fight with you. We had a bit before, but once again it doesn’t take a genius to figure out when someones hurting.”  
“When- Before I went under Cryo, you were all he talked about. He trusts you, more than he trusts himself.”  
“He’s-”  
“No. Tony, he was smitten with Peggy, but not that much. He’s more in love with you than I've ever seen in my life.”

 

Waking up this time was different. The moment his mind clicked he was as still as a rod, fear riding through his veins as his surroundings were unclear. Every thought was telling him to run, his body for the first time in forever free of restraints or limitations. He heard footsteps down the hall, the blankets on his body smothering him in heat- blankets?

His eyes flew open against his will and as he pushed himself up a hand was immediately pressing against his chest. A quick gasp left him at the fact that he didn’t hear anyone, turning and going to fight when he recognized the man immediately. 

“Hey, Pal.”  
“Buck.”  
His mouth was sore, it was a dull ache and the way he was coaxed back into the sheets terrified him. 

“Where am I?”  
The older man tilted his head, eyebrows crossing in confusion. 

“You’re in the hospital,” a hand rested against his forehead as they locked eyes, “what's the last thing you remember?”  
“I don’t know, I- you got me out and then-”  
He couldn’t figure it out, words twisting around in his head before rushing behind his eyes. His body began to tremble and he tried holding it in until his covers pulled back and Bucky was wrapped around him.

“You’re alright, I got you, Punk.”

“Buck..”  
Anxiety was literally pushing from under his skin, buzzing through his veins and he couldn’t brush it away even as he was pulled into such a familiar chest. 

“I know, it’s gonna take a good minute, but I'll be here. Tony’s here but he always misses you waking up by minutes.”  
“Tony?”

“Hasn’t left your bedside once and the moment he had to take a phone call you wake up as if you planned it, gotta say it’s funny.”  
“Tony..”  
“Yeah, he’s on his way.”

 

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”  
“Missed him by seconds.”

“Sweetheart, why do you do this to me?”  
The arms fell around him, embracing him as if they haven’t had but minutes apart from each other. It was soft, warm, gentle and protective and he couldn’t help but let a soft cry escape at the feeling. 

“How are you feeling? Any pain?”  
Shaking his head he brought his arms up, wrapping around the man’s shoulders and wincing at the tug of the IVs. 

“We’re gonna get you some medication on our way out, nothing too strong, maybe something to help you sleep. You want something like that?”  
Pulling away, Steve couldn’t find himself to respond, still reaching out numbly before the genius sat on the edge of the mattress and let the man lean against him. Steve was weightless in his side and he clutched to the man’s right hand as tight as he could without causing any pain. 

“Barnes is coming too, that okay?”  
Pulling a hand away he reached backward, clutching to the metal hand just as tight and tugging it into his stomach. The assassin moved forward just enough, sitting on the mattress as well and letting himself be led. His other hand fell in the blond strands and gently scrubbed his scalp. 

“You’ll be safe, my love. Nothing to worry about as long as I'm here, yeah?” 

A kiss was dropped against his cheek, holding its place for a good second before pulling away and smiling softly.

“We’ll be okay.”


	2. i'll get you out, sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve had gone through such profound agony that he couldn't put his world back together the moment of his rescue. Thankfully he has a team by his side, doing everything they can to get him back in their protection. 
> 
> So how was Tony dealing with all of this?  
> Especially when their break up was not on the happiest of terms?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, I was a little taken back when all the comments were asking for another point-of-view, so I decided to write a quick snippet of Tony's perspective through all of this. it may not be the best, but I felt like it was never anything I was going to write, so I just threw some things together and hopefully answered a few questions you guys may have had. I also tried not to just repeat every line of the last story, so in order to avoid the same story twice I stopped pretty early and did not go all the way through the hospital visit. 
> 
> I may possibly do a bucky point-of-view as well, and if I do it will definitely be a lot more detailed and probably go farther than the hospital stay just because I think for him it would be important to see just how much tony and steve cared for eachother. I would also tackle a bit of his recovery seeing how his first few weeks of freedom from hydra was tied into another fight. 
> 
> regardless, I really hope this is what you guys were looking for and if you are not too keen on it, don't read in order to keep the original one-shot state of mind. 
> 
> thank you guys for the continuous support!

The betrayal he felt was not the death of his parents. There was always an itch in the back of his mind that a car crash while on a mission was never something to be taken lightly; In all honesty he just did not have the heart to dig into something that he could let pass. Of course in the moment of grieving that sounds normal, but over the years he let the graves stay buried without shifting the dirt.

That's why it was so painful when he found out Steve knew. 

The idea of the man he loved finding out something so cardinal, so valuable, and then hiding it from him.. Well that was something that should not of been discovered in the heat of the moment. That soldier was his everything, he trusted him not only with his life, but with his life’s work and his team.

Watching him walk out of that bunker with no intentions of turning around, it killed him and shredded his heart into pieces all over the snow-littered ground. The icy touch of the air was no part of his conscience when the sharp wind of the truth was the thing to strike him painfully across the face. He felt crossed, disgustingly duped of the faith and trust that he had given away. At that point in time he felt as if he would never get over the emotions that poured out of him that day. 

 

Until the winter soldier showed up at his doorstep smothered in uniform with a king and widow standing at his sides. Sam must of been hiding somewhere higher, keeping watch, but in his head all he could focus on was the fact of who was excluded. 

“Before you say anything-”

“The idea of a phone is to be able to call from large distances, far and wide, country to country-”

“It’s about Steve.”

Natashas words shut him up immediately, her eyes filled with agony as he was getting closer to the answer of his first question. Barnes also looked devastated, hands shaking as they stayed wrapped around a small bag ahead of him. 

“What did he do?”

 

His heart was in his stomach, he had no idea what to think and the word Hydra had terror throbbing deep in his throat. They had barely begun the explanation before he tugged them inside, slamming the door and forcing their evidence across his kitchen counter. They stood around all the paperwork, his last known location on the outskirts of a small town helping with some stupid fire break out. Of course he couldn’t just lay low, nap and collect leaves in a backyard; Steve had to continue fighting no matter who was out looking for him and now he was missing as if he never existed. The fact that Tony couldn’t get help killed him and before he could begin to form a plan there was a bag dropped in front of his view. 

“He told me he was writing these.”

Digging through the bag his fingers viciously shook, latching onto a letter and tugging it out to see the date smeared across the corner. 

 

 

October 17, 2016

Tony Stark  
200 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10166

 

Each one was sealed tightly, addressed and stamped and there truly looked like there was one written every single day. Without hesitation he ripped the first one open, eyes tearing harshly though the pages regardless of the team standing around him. His heart swelled at the familiar handwriting scribbled through lines and he almost broke down at the words inscribed. The man had written anything and everything, mainly about a sunset and how he missed that one night when they had dinner on the balcony of his Malibu home. He went on and on, almost the entire page about just that night and how beautiful he remembered it being. Each detail brought out something Tony had not thought about in years, but what got him were the small doodles scratched at the top of the page.They were light and adorable as he always remembered and seeing them for the first time in so long had him throwing the paper harshly on top of the granite below. 

“Where are the maps of known Hydra bases?”

 

From there they got to work and having a full plate of soldiers under his command was truly a company he missed having. Everywhere he turned he saw faces, even getting in contact with Thor who was someone they had not been able to contact in years. They were digging into every available agent, witnesses and cameras they hacked; If there was a lead they would find it. 

But words were just spoken and a week later they still had no trail on where exactly the soldier could be. It was tearing them all apart and as he laid in his office at the compound he could not help but read through more of Steve’s letters. 

Each one was still addressed to the old tower, the soldier must have not been aware of the fact that he sold it right after their fallout. Throughout each line he could feel the anxiety, the love and even the anger as he realized how much they had given up in that fight. He tried reading them in order, it helped a few things make sense, and about halfway through one of his binges he flinched at the opening of the door. 

The Winter Soldier should of made him nervous, but it was clearly not him who walked in. James Buchanan Barnes looked around the lab in awe, even when he thought Tony wouldn’t notice. It was something he did with Steve, forgetting that they did not come from an age of technology or even education. His captain was very open on the Great Depression they were raised in, about how they fought to get by and it was one thing he made sure to learn from every day they taught him something new. One of the biggest topics was his best friend, Sergeant Bucky Barnes of the one-oh-seventh.

“Did you need something?”

It was clearly taken opposite of how he meant it, if the man backing away was anything to go by. 

“I want to make sure you are comfortable with me here.”

The genius raised an eyebrow, frowning deeply at the words. 

“Do you want to find Steve?”

“Of course,” the blue eyes grew wide in desperation, “I do!”

“Then why wouldn’t I be comfortable?”

He dropped the letter without looking down, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. 

“Stark-”

“My name is Tony.”

“Tony-”

“He mentioned you going back under the ice until you were put back together- at least in the letters he did. That your choice?”

“Yes.”

“He also mentioned king kitty had a plan to clear your head, that true?”

“Yes. The words are.. They’re gone.”

“Then again, why would I not be comfortable?”

“Tony, I killed Howard- I-”

He cut himself off, pain clouding his eyes as he shook his head and directed his gaze away. 

“No, you did not do any such thing. From the stories I have heard, you were not capable of doing such a thing. Even if you hated the man.”

With a smirk he watched the sniper drop his head lower, hand wrapping around his neck in nervousness. 

“I didn’t hate him..”  
“I did for a while too, it’s alright. But what I am getting at is that Hydra is not stupid. They are a pain in my ass, but they know how to get shit done. The things they did to you, it wasn’t by choice on your part. You did not kill those people or do those things, your hands were wrapped in red and moved on a string. You were a puppet they bent accordingly and the life you lived was not indeed yours. So. Let’s skip this little heart to heart, alright? I have things to do and lovers to find and it’s honestly too much on such an expensive glass plate.”

Turning around he heard the sigh of relief, tilting his head as he stacked all his letters back into his safe.

“Is that okay with you?”

“Thank you.”

“It’s why I get paid the big bucks, kid.”

The mumble of, I’m not a kid, punk, brought a genuine smile to his lips, holding his laughter until the man disappeared.

 

And things should have gotten better. He befriended an assassin, read through years of love stuffed into packaging, but nothing prepared him. Not for the worst of it. 

Him and Barnes were in the lab, working on more witness accounts when the door slammed open so hard the glass cracked. Spinning around he lifted a gauntlet, going to curse Friday for the lack of security when the fact ahead shut him up before he started. Natasha looked aghast, eyes red and tablet shaking in her grip as she ran into the room. He knew she found something and the only thing he could do was storm over with a face of acceptance for what he thought he would hear. 

But this was worse. 

This was worse and the vomit across the floor led all the way to the stairwell. He collapsed in his own filth, the world growing blurred and by the time his sob escaped the metal arm around him was not nearly enough. He built that arm days ago, he put it together to save Steve and after seeing that feed- after hearing the pull of restraints and grunts of trauma he needed it to kill. He hated himself for the thought, but he needed the man to let go of his body and run to where those bastards resided. 

At least he tried to get that point across, but each sob only cleared way for another and the attempt at words were not nearly successful. He felt agony licking up the side of his ribcage and into his heart and summoning the suit only halted when he realized he could not pick up where his other half was. God, he needed to work, to trace that signal but, god. Jesus Christ those sounds, that sight- Natasha tried to keep it from his hands, but he needed to see all the evidence they had. 

Even if it resulted in his body falling apart in the arms of an assassin. He knew the man took care of Steve, but the absolute love and protection around him was enough to bring breath back into his lungs. He knew the man was also falling apart, but the strength he had-

He shoved the man away, hands grabbing the sides of his face despite the blur demolishing his sights. He held tightly, ignoring the confusion of the other storm-filled eyes looking his way. 

“Tell me it didn’t happen to you.”  
He could barely speak, shaking his head in heartbreak as realization locked in the opposing gaze. Two hands rose to his own, holding on tightly as they denied the accusation. 

“No, Tony. No, it never happened to me.”  
“Oh thank God!”

Then he felt guilt. 

Because it was happening. 

And that brought a whole new wave of pain. 

“Oh, Steve- Oh Sweetheart..!” 

His palms fell to hide his eyes, body weightless atop his knees as the crowd around him grew larger. He didn’t even want to tell them. 

 

“My guess is that they have him in an older bunker, there is no way with that structure that they built it within the last generation. I mean look, it’s falling apart at the seams. The material? That’s from the forties.”

“Steve had a map, back in the war. When he saved me he had a bunch of them listed. They were all torn down of course, but maybe it’ll help get us closer.”

Nat and Barnes both looked his way, hope shining in their gazes as he held his chin standing on the other end of the table. 

“I’m sure it’s somewhere in SHIELD archives, dad may of had some information on it.”

“Good. We can start there.”

Natasha seemed like she was already planning, leaving the room as Sam started piling papers across the table. He only stopped for a second, looking hesitant before continuing and asking what he needed to. 

“What about the feed?”

Thankfully Barnes jumped in, saving Tony the repeating of his worst nightmare.

“Most countries have it turned off on their systems, in some cases it just keeps coming back so they have people constantly on it ready to stop it if it loads again. Thankfully most people have stopped the news stories after..” the both looked at Tony before continuing, “.. a warning.”

“Ross and his team?”  
“They have agreed to let the team come back together, Thor is still trying to find Wanda and Vision, but so far he hasn’t had much luck. Clint has agreed to help in his own ways, but he and Scott are still under their house arrest and Ross won’t waver until absolutely necessary.”

“Understood.”

 

One week.

One week and Tony was storming out of this workshop screaming for his team. They caught wind of his announcement and before he even had to explain they were on their way to the jet. He wasted no time in filling them in, forcing his thrusters to their highest level and leading the way across the globe to which they arrived fairly quickly. 

From the moment he flew through the doors everything moved in slow motion. Each bullet shot fell against his armour, the shock of being found enough distraction for him to take them out with his suit. He watched his team split into their own paths, leaving him in his own thoughts to head straight toward the back of the base. 

Each cell containing a person made him sick, he had called for reinforcements and made sure they were on their way before continuing on past the chambers. 

His bones rattled underneath the suit, turning down each hallway and slamming in door after door without thinking twice. Seeing the agents who were part of this secret made fury rush through his veins and by the time he became reckless he slammed one of the clearly decorated generals into a brick wall. The sound of his spine breaking was music to his ears and the familiar soldier passing by him gave him a sense of relief that they must of been getting closer. 

“Where’s my soldier?”

The excuse of a human could not speak through his pain, Tony tossing him to the floor and continuing down the hall. He only felt his blood circulate once again when a familiar sound rushed past his ears. 

 

Steve.

 

It was screaming, it was full blown terror, but the man was alive. His heart and soul pushed through the war and the sight of him down the hall had Tony running. The blonde hair was matted in blood, clear signs of torture and- It was all there and he followed the pair until they were in the jet. 

He swears he called the name a thousand times, but it must of been in his head because by the time he felt his throat vibrate with speech the blond stopped his wails. 

“Steve? I really need you to focus here, big guy. It’s-” Oh god, he was almost going to break down himself at the sight of such a broken man, nonetheless the man he loved, “you gotta stop struggling..”  
His words kept flooding from his mouth as he helped Bucky keep Steve down, his punches were weak, but the fact that he thought he was still in that bunker broke his soul. There was not much he was able to say past the proof that he was here, but it was no matter because by the time Steve’s eyes found his own they both broke into sobs. He didn’t know whos was louder, stronger, and reaching out he tugged the body into his arms. 

Each tear shed soaked into his suit,in which he released quickly, and the begs for this to be real escaped his lovers mouth repeatedly. 

“Shh, it’s real. I’m here, Sweetheart, it’s alright, I’m right here.”

He tugged the limp body as tightly as he could against his own, adjusting the larger frame to his liking until they were holding on to each other with the same amount of strength. 

“Hold onto me, there you go. I got you, we’re all here. We got you out, I promise.”

 

He did have him. All the way home and he refused to let go until they got to the familiar hospital. It was in his own tower, people he trusted only present and he fell into Nat’s hug as the man disappeared past the private walls. He would have followed him, but even he knew the cleanliness of those doors and couldn’t put the man in any other risk. The relief was pouring in so quick that the adrenaline began to fade, his eyes growing heavy as he was directed into a seat. The last thing he heard was his name.

 

“Tony, I think you should go get some food. You haven’t eaten since we’ve gotten back.”

“I-”  
The disapproving glare shot him into gear, also his stomach, but mainly the deadly glare of the only conscious supersoldier across the room. 

He had woken up in his penthouse, forced into a shower before finally being allowed downstairs. For the past few days he had been living on just coffee alone basically and now, the third day of Steve being asleep he knew he had to be healthy when the man woke. So, he stupidly left the room, grabbing a quick bite and actually taking his time. He took the fucking stairs! God, he was such an idiot. 

Twenty minutes later he finally made his way back, ready to tell the soldier he did admittingly feel a lot better, but when he opened the door two sets of eyes turned his way.

Are you kidding me?

Barnes looked a little guilty, but at the moment he didn’t even care, mumbling something quick and snippy before falling into the bed just in time for the man to pass out. 

“What did he say? Is he- did he remember anything?”  
“He was fine, just a little shaken up. They have him under a lot of medication.”

 

And that’s kind of what they had to get used to.

In the span of two days he kept knocking out, and Tony himself felt frustrated, but he also knew everyone else was too. Especially when the rest of the team wasn’t allowed in due to specific family only and a limit of two people at a time. Barnes was like an animal in a cage, pacing around the room and only stopping to breathe or console the man who woke up for just minutes at a time. 

“We can’t get in his head, one second he’s fine and the next he’s an anxiety ridden mess!”

Natasha dropped through the vent above, pulling a chuckle through Tony’s throat as he shot out something stupid and stepped closer to the bed. 

“Enough.”

He opened his mouth to rat her out, but her head quickly nodded and bright blue eyes took up his entire focus.

“Hey, Sweetheart.”

He grabbed the chin ahead, directing his gaze until their eyes were locked. He was finally awake and Tony would be damned if he once again missed it. Especially hearing the voice call his name for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

The eyes quickly grew heavy, exhaustion still painted across his face and he could only frown as the man fell into his chest. 

“Shh, I got you. You’re alright.”

Rubbing his back he sighed, “You gonna stay awake for me this time?”

**Author's Note:**

> comment anything. leave kudos. know that what I write is in no way supported outside of this website. I wish nothing similar to this upon anyone. 
> 
> also :  
> I am not a doctor. I am not a therapist or psychologist. whatever is miswritten or untrue is due to my lack of knowledge on the subject. none of this is edited, I just posted when finished and do not plan on reading back to fix it. thank you for reading.


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